


In your own sweet way

by nea_writes



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, a mention of certain characters lol, i think this counts as humor?? idk my sense of humor is messed up, you can't just leave corpses at someone's doorstep that's not how you flirt you idiot oh my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 16:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8630488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nea_writes/pseuds/nea_writes
Summary: Allen stepped out of his house, looked down, and screamed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just the other day my cat left me a skinned squirrel - a nice gesture, all in all, but I was on my hands and knees scrubbing bleach into my porch at 40 degrees F so maybe next time don't do that, okay Kenny? The obscure dgm stories based on my life experiences continues. Also that long tag up there is what inspired this fic. I saw it somewhere and thought: I gotta.
> 
> Yeah my "name fics after songs" continues. This one is by Wes Montgomery.

Allen stepped out of his house, looked down, and screamed.

His knees gave out and he felt his breakfast begin to greet his throat once more as he scrabbled backwards. What… what… who would?

He barely made it to the toilet bowl as he said hello to his scrambled eggs again.

There, collapsed against the front of his door and smeared all over in red, was a human body. Just the thought had him dry heaving again.

It was a complicated process in getting rid of it and he got asked a great deal of questions, but in the end the trails of blood leading from his door and down the sidewalk convinced most that some deranged murderer dragged the body to his front door.

It wasn’t until he went to work that evening - because his debts wouldn’t allow a single day off, no sir- that he got an inkling of what happened.

Tyki was resting his hip against the bar, cleaning a glass idly. He looked up eagerly when Allen walked in from the backroom, neatly finishing up the top button of his white shirt. “Allen!” He greeted.

Taken aback by the eagerness, Allen warily replied, “Good evening, Tyki. How are you?”

“Good, good!” Tyki said, settling the glass down along with the others and striding quickly towards Allen, who reared back in surprise. “How are you? Anything interesting happen today?”

“Uh,” Allen said, because that somehow seemed way too direct of a question to happen on a day such as his. “I… found a body on my front door?”

“Really!” Tyki gasped, but Allen thought he didn’t sound as surprised as he should. Or as horrified, he tacked on belatedly, disturbed by the gleam in Tyki’s eyes. “What a horrible thing!”

“Quite,” Allen said, skirting around Tyki to reach for a dishrag. “I, uh - you don’t sound too surprised.”

Tyki shrugged. “Not much does,” he said diplomatically, and Allen hummed. “So how did it make you feel?”

“Make me feel?” Allen cried, disturbed. He shivered and dropped the rag to chafe at his arms where his hairs stood on end. “How did I feel! Horrified! It made me throw up my breakfast.” Which was a real shame, in Allen’s opinion. An easy thirty bucks down the drain!

“It made you throw up?” Tyki asked, sounding genuinely horrified, and Allen felt quite offended that it was _him_ that upset Tyki and not the mention of a dead body. “Oh, we didn’t-”

_“You didn’t-”_ Allen started, choked, stared at Tyki. “Did you just say-”

“Uhhh, whoops, would you look at that! Looks like my shift is over, see you later boy!” Tyki was already running away, and the door to the backroom shut on his last words. Allen stood stock still, shocked. Had Tyki just insinuated he and someone else had murdered someone and placed the body at his front door?”

“No, no,” Allen muttered, shaking his head. He turned back to the bar and began wiping it down. “It’s just been a stressful day and I’m overthinking it. That’s all.”

“…right?”

* * *

By the third body’s appearance Allen was getting side-eyed by a lot of people. The only upside was that he had stopped losing his breakfast at the sight, and his front porch was remarkably white under all the chemicals he’d used. As he left for his day job he nodded amicably at the man stationed outside his house. He was under watch, but, well, three people had died on his porch - what could he say to that?

Maybe because he hadn’t spent thirty minutes bent double over a toilet bowl,  Allen found himself arriving early to his job at the horse track. As soon as he entered the backroom the thick smell of cigarettes greeted him and he sighed. Looks like Tyki was early as well.

He opened his mouth to comment that Tyki was lucky Cross was lenient about the smoking when a young girlish voice spoke up.

“Well, he didn’t like the middle aged man, and the blonde twenty year old disturbed him - what else should we go for?”

Tyki hummed, deep and low in his throat. There was an exhale, and then, “How about Asian? Seems to have a fondness for those.”

Road sang contemplatively but Allen was already rounding the corner, aghast.

“You two killed people?!”

Tyki choked on a drag and dropped his cigarette and Road’s humming jolted into a high pitched startled squeal. “Allen!” She cried, alarmed. She jumped off the counter and her platforms clopped as she skipped towards him. “You surprised me!”

Unfortunately, Road was quick and Allen was still in shock. He couldn’t get away in time and soon she had her arms wrapped around his neck, tip-toeing. Like habit - which it basically was - Allen’s arms wrapped around her to steady her.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say, before settling on, “You killed people. And left them at my door. Is that what you’re saying?”

Tyki sighed in aggravation. “I told you, Road! He wasn’t going to take it too well. I think it was all the cleaning.”

Road sniffed. “It was a great idea and you know it! There was just some kinks in the plan!”

Their easy acceptance disturbed him and made accepting the entire situation much harder than it needed to be. “You’re not denying it?” he asked, voice a few notches higher than it had any right to be.

Road giggled and Tyki laughed, and Allen was abruptly reminded of why the two hadn’t been arrested for all their prior misdemeanors in the first place. Charming and oozing charisma, they could be caught red-handed robbing a bank and still they could get away.

“Why would we deny it? It’s not like we’re ashamed! We just looove you that much, Allen!” Road said, throwing her arms wide and forcing Allen to support more of her body. 

Allen knew they regarded him highly - hell, if he quit either of his jobs Tyki would too and Road would spread horrid rumors about the place. Still, what they were doing…

“Are you… are you bringing me _gifts?”_ He asked, scandalized.

Tyki lit another cigarette and grinned through the smoke on his exhale. “Like she said, boy, we’re not ashamed.”

Allen spluttered. “You idiots! You can’t just leave _corpses_ at someone’s door! God, just think of the _mess!”_

Tyki smoked contemplatively and then threw Allen a thoughtful look. “Your priorities are seriously messed up.”

Allen had never felt more offended in his life.


End file.
